Never

4/8/19

Never is a long time.

I've never felt so good with where I'm at.
I never thought I'd be here saying that.

I never thought I'd find so much joy with kids.
For all of college, faux adults is all I did.
Drinking to forget the pains of each week
only to awake with more pain, shit is bleak.
I felt the most alive when I was the most numb,
was I a sucker to peer pressure or just that dumb?

I never thought I'd learn the tongue of another
that would enable me to gain a brother.
Giving commands to kids too young for English instruction,
formally greeting elders too old to function,
showing those around me I care with simple words,
making my feelings more understood, and being more forward.

I never thought I'd call this place a home.
I thought I'd always feel lost, cursed to forever roam.
It seemed like I was gonna fit out more than fit in.
This concept of integration never seemed within
my reach, but then these people I call friends telling me to never leave.
My only option at this point is to roll up my sleeves,
give this community everything by being present, living now.
Good thing that kind of living is the only way I know how.

I never thought I'd be here.
Now, I never wanna leave here.
Ain't it weird?